Eurovision 2012: 27 Days to Go
I grew up in Wirral. It's the part of Merseyside on the other side of the river from Liverpool. I mention this because, when I was of an age where clubbing with my chums became part of my weekends, there was always one place on our side of the water everyone wanted to go to which I couldn't abide. Of course, when you're 18, you tend not to rock the boat and just go where your pals are - but if there was one song which summed up this particular club it was the moment the DJ played Don't Stop by The Outthere Brothers and the whole place erupted into an excitable rapture of glee and hormones because (guess what) this song mentioned ladies' unmentionable areas, lots of bottoms and plenty of references to sexual intercourse. I must have been a right miserable sod when I was 18 as I thought Don't Stop was the most pathetic thing I'd ever heard and longed to go out in Liverpool instead, where they had really good places with live bands where it was far sexier to have things left to your imagination. Anyway, that was almost 20 years ago - but The Outthere Brothers return to my thoughts whenever I hear the Austrian entry for 2012. Unless I am missing some meaningful poignancy to Woki Mit Deim Popo which I struggle to hear over the backing track, then the whole thing just strikes me as two sad little boys thinking it's really funny to shout gynaecological terms down a microphone when they've got an audience. Perhaps if Austria had entered this in 1995 then it would appear more relevant to those watching at home but if I have to be honest, this just feels childish from beginning to end. That possibly makes me the biggest square on this side of the trackz. Then again, I still think Don't Stop by The Outthere Brothers is pathetic.
Assuming Trackshittaz are able to perform under their stage name for the first semi-final, which will draw attention to them because of their bare-faced naughtiness in having a ruder word for poo in their name, then these lads will at least be getting some headlines. But will that really translate to votes? Whenever a Eurovision entry tries to be silly or raucous, the people at home tend to tick it off by refusing to vote rather than having a bit of a giggle and picking up the phone. The only real exception to the rule is Verka Seduchka in 2007 but that was more tongue-in-cheek than sweary. Whichever audience the 'Shittaz appeal to in their domestic market, I seriously doubt they will make up a hefty percentage of those snuggling down with a box of Ritz crackers to enjoy that nice Song Contest - on either a Tuesday or a Saturday night. Hype could see this qualify - but I don't hold out much hope for it after that.